since July......WOW.

daaaaang, i havent been on since july, im ashamed.

Grateful Day

Im grateful for:

*The Creator - for giving this sinner another day of life.

*Cookie - she is growning up so fast. i miss the baby she was but glad to see the woman is becoming.

*the parents - they keep holding me up when im slipping. im blessed to have them.

*Buffy made it through surgery.

*a trip to Chicago - being able to spend time with the blood family and poetic family.

*Winning a slam the Green Mill. the place was packed, Marc Smith remembered me and it was a great experience.

*finding my way through the maze of life.

*to all of YOU for reading these words.

*to the Most High, for blessings seen and those unseen. prayers answered and those not. You know whats best for me.

peace...

its been a minute but im back....

i still cant believe Michael Jackson is gone, its as if i lost a cousin. im expecting him to appear on some tv show claiming it was all a joke. i watched his memorial service, and while a little dull, it was entertaining. Al Sharpton gets points for the best statement; to Michaels children, 'your daddy wasnt strange, how people treated him was strange.' Al is still a media whore but he gets love for that. Michael was different but if you cant take a walk, go to the movies, go shopping or take your kids to the zoo...pretty much trapped inside. what kind of life is that? regardless of his mistakes, the brother still brought people together with his music. people of all ethnic make-ups would sing his songs, side by side, hand in hand...no other artist has been able to do it. he gets props for that.


im working on a poem that is slowly coming together....very slowly. i will be posting it here as soon as its finished.

quik update

Its been too long since i updated this blog but im going attempt to do better. instead of making this some long entry, im going to keep it quick and sweet with an update.

Update:

1. Before a tour date in Atl, a chapbook was put together, Life Lessons Vol 1. i actually sold and traded a couple at the ArtAmok gig in Atl. i so heart the ArtAmok crew for taking a chance on me. if you every get the chance to go down there, i suggest that you do...its beautiful.

2. im now part of the JK Publishing family. the company is responsible for publishing the work of Jon Sands and William Evans. it is truely and honor to be associated with such great writers.

3. i didnt make the STL Slam Team this year. it sucks in a way, but then again it could be a blessing. it let me know that more work needs to be put into writing. i was getting by with the same three pieces. while this might be ok for some, its not for me. im going back into the lab to write....i just have to find the inspiration. im not even upset about missing Nats this year.

4. did some studio work for an ep. studio work is NO joke, i thought it would be easy to just go in and do the poems and move on. nope, i kept messing up and messing up, it was crazy. I am determined to have this cd finished by the end of the summer. im thinking there will be 5 or 6 tracks on the cd, mixing the old with the new. it should be interesting.

5. attended Southern Fried Poetry Slam in Nc. it took some of the sting out of not making the slam team. I rolled down there with Poets in the Streets from Arkansas. we had a nice squade which consisted of Mo-Man and TJ from Arkansas, Kosher from OK, and myself. i dont know where we finished as a team but we made couple of the squads that went to finals, sweat! i was really proud of our guy TJ for making it to indies final stage....and winning it ALL!! I cheered for him so much, i lost my flippin voice! it was worth it though..

thats pretty much things. im late, i have work in the AM...so im outta here. not before i take a shower though, i watched the BET Awards and feel rather dirty!

onelove

Birthday Grateful...

my 40th birthday was two weeks ago, i am so blessed to have reached this milestone. im grateful for the Most High allowing me to achieve it. i have family and friends that wont ever get the chance to celebrate another birthday, so i celebrate for them while mourning them not being here.

i appreciate and celebrate life everyday because we arent promised tomorrow.

trying to catch up.....1/30

i enjoyed the first time
sweat became tears
heart beat against chest
body began to shiver
pace quickened
eyes closed
breathing is labored

I must not lose it
I have to control it
oh God, help me

it's my first time
reciting a poem

Chico Day 3

Today was the radio interview...live! i was nervous but then again wasnt. i have done radio in the past but this time, the feature was me. Taz and i have this thing, where feeding off each other is natural. yea, there are times we dont get along but today wasnt one of those days...we rolled through the hour and half radio interview smoothly. no long pause, we just worked it!! did the same pieces as at the slam (im working on putting more pieces in my head)but figured this was a different audience, so they hadnt heard them before.....it was a good time.

Taz and i go back to the house and we get into reading Haiku's. then we start writing then...then we call a couple of folks to read the Haiku's too. we are on the phone cracking up reading this stuff to our friends. i even attempted to write a couple:

four fat guys
in a Yugo,
riding REAL slow

or

teacher bends over
to pick up eraser
last nights porno
comes to mind

ok, so they arent perfect but it was still fun....


Later that night, we went back to Cafe Culture for their grand opening. the place had a nice crowd and was alive with energy. when we walked in, there was some hip-hop going on that the people were feeling. Taz and i were given 10 minutes to "do our thing"..so, we decided to freestyle some stuff.....and we rocked it!! lets hope it will get more people into the seats for the slam..i might even post the video.

Chico has been fun but its back to reality.....

Chico Day 2,

I slept in today, i was physically drained from being up since Thursday. i slept for a couple of hours on the plane but it wasnt enough.....my goal had been to wake up, print a couple of poems and create a book for tonights performance. i really need to get a chapbook together...

The performance was at Coffee Empire, an old box car turned into a coffee house...it
was tight, comfy, beautiful and dope! Taz and i, went back and forth performing for an audience of maybe 20 people...stalking the aisle like poetic bandits. we held the people hostage, relieved them of their boxed in lives, feed poetry to their souls. with the smoke cleared, the few thanked us, the asian guy and the black guy for bring our words to them. and tonight, the spirit of Shannon Leigh present pushing us forward...i talked about Shannon before doing the Shannon tribute piece, which inspired Taz, to share his memories of her and to do a piece.

i enjoyed tonights performance more than last nights...and even though i flubbed a couple of lines, it didnt bother me. Taz, even mentioned that i appeared more relaxed. i felt connected with the audience, maybe it was the size of the venue, or maybe i WAS just more relaxed.

whatever the reason, it was fun.

Today....the radio interview but listen to it on the net: kzfr.org at 1:30pm that would be 3:30pm in the midwest and 4:30pm on the east

Chico, Day 1....

as i got off the plane in Chico, it felt as if the cold weather of St. Louis has followed me to California and i didnt even bring a sweatshirt! where the hell is the sun?

Chico, is a small college town surrounded by mountains. my host Taz, schooled me on how the area was rich with soul that could grow anything. Chino gets its name from the trees that grow here but I will have to break that down later because i dont remember.

Talking with Taz about SLAM, is a learning experience. the dude has been on the scene since 96 and has stories to prove it. as we talked, i felt like one of those kids whose history of hip-hop/rap starts with Jay Z and is ignorant of how deep the history REALLY goes. even though i have read about the earlier Nationals and some of the poets. Slam for ME, started with the 04 Nationals and the best slammer to ME, was Saul Williams. as Taz and i talk, he is throwing the names of poets at me, like a magician throws knifes at ballons, im like WHO? Taz, even does some of their pieces and im like WOW! i learned that Taylor Mali, was the reason for the 3 minute rule after performing a 7 minute poem.

I want to raid Taz's video collection and just watch the tapes until my eyes turn red. for someone that is a SLAM junkie, there is so much to be learned, so many poets to discover, so many different styles to see. to see how NATIONALS went from 20teams to the 70 we have know. sorry im a history nerd...

the feature:

Cafe Culture is a great spot...it has a closed room for dance, an upstairs room for karate, a big room for performances, a retail shop and cafe. the stage is nice and big but could use better lighting. so anyway, my feature...the crowd energy was great, small but still great...i talked with some of the crowd before the feature...talked to two brothers, one there for a class assignment and the other, a sometime poet, along for the ride. i felt refreshing talking to these kids about slam and poetry....i felt like a seasoned poet instead of the rookie, i still am.

so, it my turn...i start with Tell, Him Waiting. got through it but left out for import lines. next up, The New Orleans piece. did ok, till the end. did the Kiss piece, i got the piece but still dont have the piece. uou can see, there is a theme here...i fumbled a lot. the crowd was still with me though and gave me love.

after leaving he venue, Taz and i went to eat pizza, where he broke my performance. i so needed that...more about that later.

im getting schooled.

The Grateful List....

As I Take This Step Forward, Im Grateful For....

The Most High, giving me another day to enjoy life. even though the day was filled with rain and wind, i was glad to see it.

Cookie, for being a daughter. she is crazy but i sho does luv her!

The Parents, for being the parents. being unemployed sucks but they are holding me down. i cant say thank you enough.

Mom, i know she thought this whole poetry thing was some B.S. but im sure she has bragged to someone about her son doing. i hope to make her proud.

Facebook, for being the spot where i reconnected with family i hadnt seen or heard from in years. its a beautiful thing.

Extended Trips, that brought curry chicken and lazy days.

The Most High, they say for every door closed, another opens. the door to follow a dream has opened, im gonna step out on faith and see where it leads me.

Puffy Face, im glad he is alright. had his uncle all worried and shit!!

Poetry, it comes and goes as it pleases but im always happy to see it!

You, those that still come around to check on a brother...thank you for taking the time out to read these words.

The Most High, for blessings seen and those unseen. for prayers granted and those not. YOU KNOW WHATS BEST FOR ME.

Steppin Out on Faith....

Tomorrow, i head to California for a Feature in Chino. im excited and nervous at the same time....when your prayers are answered, its a big WHOA! like, this is about to happen for real. if you need further prove that The Most High is truely AWESOME, i wasnt too sure the job would give me the time off (even though i put in for it)so i waited to get the plane ticket...well, we know i got layed off in January. when i looked up flights, they were talking almost $280-290...ummm, yea. i would need to sell a a hundred chapbooks, 20 cd's (if i had them)and still have to shake my azz for this trip...i wasnt going. then The Most High, opened another door for me...i was talking with Nitche, The Original Woman, and she mentioned having the hook up on tickets....next thing you know, im head to Cali baaabie!!

i also picked up and extra gig in Greenville, Sc in March!!

its looking good....

Feb 12-15, Chico, Ca (Feature)
Feb 18, St. Louis Poetry Slam (Feature)
March 29, Greenville, Sc (feature)
April, 4, Atlanta, Ga (Feature)
May 1, Knoxville, Tn (Feature)
May 14 or 21(?), Neo Soul Austin, Tx (im tryin to get home!)
June 4-6, Southern Fried Poetry Slam
July 31, Spoken Word Groove Reunion

Maybe New Mexico and Denver in the fall :-). Then there is the chance i might make the STL Slam Team...

and im still working on getting some other dates....

Yep, The Most High is good, ALL THE TIME. even when my prayers arent answered, i still step out on faith!!

Onelove

Change...

Change….


we placed hands on the pregnant stomach of democracy/
with faces pressed firmly against the glass partition/
we waited/
all cultures, religions, ethnic make up’s, sexual persuasions
simmering in a melting pot of change/
stirred by the interlocked fingers of strangers/
creating a beautiful rainbow/

we, share this moment with the past/
with those generations that withstood the hurricanes of hate/
only to weep as change was silenced/
during a motorcade in Dallas/
a speech in a ballroom in New York/
in a hotel kitchen in Los Angles/
on warm day on a balcony in Memphis/

those who remember, these Messiahs of change/
carry the ghost of the news footage in their eyes/
it walks the halls of their voices/
is regenerated each time they are asked/
"do you remember”

they remember those days/
as vividly as the first time the billy club stuck/
shaky arthritic fingers become tour guides of the landmarks/
where the billy clubs left tattooed reminders of the hatred
produced by southern sadistic ways/

they can still hear the barking, as it were yesterday/
still feel the sting of canine teeth sinking into their skin/
can point to the spot where the dogs/
acquired their taste for human flesh/

those strong enough, will turn around, lift up their shirts/
tell you to look closely at their backs/
there, you will see where the water pumped through hoses/
ripped away skin as if it were papier-mâché/

ask them about the reoccurring visions, the nightmares/
of seeing black bodies hanging from trees/
ask of the stench of burning flesh that filled their nostrils/
while white men and their families took pictures and had picnics/
children were told, not to turn their heads/
THIS is how you treat nigga’s/

So, you say; WE did it/
I say NO, they did it./
This election, is their day/
We are just the recipients of Change/
A diamond cultivated in the dry bones of ancestors/
Their sacrifices, their blood creating its shine/

So, do not laugh at the Elder/
Who recreates Aunt Jemima smiles/
While doing a Stepin Fetchit jig on wobble legs/
Those who scream hallelujah while clutching the book of their enslavers/
Refrain from staring at those, who have fallen to their knees/
Fingers spread wide in the grass like cobwebs/
They are connecting with the souls of those that did not make it/
But prayed for this day/

And let them cry/
Their tears will find the soil and become diamonds/
The down payment for future generations/
Awaiting a birth/
Whose search for CHANGE will be found/
Simmering inside a pot/
At the end of a rainbow/


Copyright © 2009 Copasetic Soul

Only If.....

since i am unemployed, part of me wants to hurry and get a job. there is also a part
of me, that wants to collect the unemployment. i wanted 09, to be the year i did more with poetry. i would love to be able to use this down time to perform poetry across the country and if werent for a little thing called "child support", i most likely would.

a couple of dates had already been planned before the layoff: Chino in Feb, Atl in April and Knoxvill in May. of course, there was also Southern Fried and Nationals. all those dates had been planned around the work schedule, using work time and work money of a job that knew of my passion for poetry.

i know that a new job is a priority but...will the new job be understand if my passion for poetry? will the new job, allow me the time off to indulge this passion? since i wont have any vacation time, how much money will i lose?

i still have to spend money to travel, create chap books and a cd. there is SOME money coming from being laid off but i wonder if it will be enough. do i go full-time or part-time? the whole interviewing process, makes me feel like a whore selling myself to the highest bidder. yet, this is what needs to be done.

the urge to step out on poetry is there, im just lacking the faith. in a perfect world, i would be able to do it.....but this isnt a perfect world.

i will put this in a prayer and give it to the Most High.

unemployment sucks

its been looooong time since my last post and i hate the subject matter. tomorrow i will do my grateful list.

as of yesterday, i am unemployed. i wasnt fired but layed off due to company reconstruction. the company released the three lowest senior managers at each store and i believe some people at the home office. they waited until after working our asses off during the holiday season to deliever the news. mind you, earlier in the year, they released the in-house environmental engineers (outsourcing that job), then cut the budgets for the loss prevention, then cut the budgets for all the departments. so, the stores were short staffed during the HOLIDAY SEASON!

THE HOLIDAY SEASON, THE BUSIEST FUCKING TIME OF THE YEAR FOR RETAIL!!!

Stores were still trying to recover from the holiday mess when then hammer fell. we knew something was going to happen but didnt think it would be this bad. so now, the managers that are left, will have double the workload for the same money.

the funny thing is, im not mad or upset, im disappointed. im disappointed in the government for giving tax breaks for companies sending jobs overseas. im disappointed in these company CEO's and their bottom lines! these politicians and ceo's arent taking pay cuts but are willing to watch OTHER people lose their jobs!

and before someone says im upset because of what happened to me, think again! i have been feeling this way for at least two years, even wrote a poem about it.

America is a country in trouble and the people with power dont care. Obama can only do so much, the rich and powerful wont allow their way of living to be disturbed!

i want to laugh, i want say this will give me time to write and do shows but in reality, its bullshit. i dont have a house note, car note or any major bills (except doctors). my children nor i, need any special medical services or medication. THOSE are the people i feel sorry for.

tomorrow, i go to the unemployment office for the first time. i will be embarrassed and ashamed of having to be added to the growing ledger of those unemployed. i know this is life but it still sucks!